Mandating Volunteer Service

As some know, I have been an active member of my local mothers of multiples club for a long time. That club has grown and recently the Board of Directors, faced with concerns about lack of participation and volunteering, proposed a bylaw amendment that would require some amount of volunteer effort from every member. I gave it some thought and jumped into the discussion. I am sharing it here, since Mensa, like my mothers’ club, regularly faces volunteer shortages and frustration at the lack of participation by the membership.

I’ve been a member of this club for… gosh, almost 15 years now. I’ve been a member of other organizations, too. Joining is what we social creatures do. It’s how we create the villages that are necessary for raising our children and maintaining our societies.

One thing I’ve noticed is that there are phases and stages of participation, much like the phases and stages children go through in our families. For a while, babies just stare wide-eyed and overwhelmed and just….take. And take and take and take and … poop. Later they start to give back a little— a smile of recognition, a cessation of taking for three hours at a time so mom can sleep. Eventually they help by holding their own bottles, or kissing a sister’s booboo. As time goes on, toddlers fetch a spit-up rag for a sibling, feed the cat, dress themselves. And so it continues, until one day you wake up and realize your teen can fully take over the lawn mowing and you’ll never have to do that chore again—you can retire to the patio and roll your eyes when he forgets to alternate directions like you would have done it.

Volunteering— participating in the village life that makes our society— is the same, and more complex, since we each belong to overlapping communities. I took from this club for a few years, gave back for a few, and now enjoy mostly sitting on my hands and just watching what I helped to create grow and flourish. I still roll up my sleeves in other clubs I belong to, and in still other aspects of communal life, like school fundraisers, I do absolutely nothing—never have never will; it’s just not my cup of tea.

In TCMOTTC* , we have women in all the stages of club participation, and that’s awesome. We have women who do nothing for TCMOTTC but who raise money for my kids’ school. Hooray!  We have women who care for neighbors’ dogs, create music in churches, monitor school board antics, and write checks for breast cancer research. We are amazing people, we suburban moms, and we are needed in every community.

Please, do not turn passion to obligation. Do not ask for actions that are out of sync with our life stages. And do not require that this club take priority over all the other communities that also need us. 

* TriCities Mothers of Twins & Triplets Club